i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
