im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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