Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Two words: nipple clamps
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