did you get engaged???
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
