Say something about gay babies.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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