I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
