Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
