he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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