Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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