Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
