Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
