If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
