90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
