you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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