Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
