I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
