I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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