I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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