Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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