Swine flu is the new snow day.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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