When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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