Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
