I hate all girls vehemently.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
