There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize