the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
