Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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