to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
