Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
