So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
