the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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