normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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