watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
