I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
