He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
