So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
