I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
