If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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