it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
