i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
