Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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