What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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