nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Houston, we have a squirter
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
