you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
