So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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