Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
