I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
