Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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