Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
