so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
