he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
