it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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