also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
