i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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