you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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