im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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