I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
