No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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