On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
