and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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