Please, let me fuck your mom
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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