It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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