broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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