My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
