And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
