I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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