So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
