My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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