dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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