I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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