I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
