you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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