so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
