Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
