very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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