so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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