My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
