Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
